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There are some people that decide to stay married because it is better for the children. However if both parents are unhappy and are fighting all the time how is that good for the children? Children that see their parents fight all the time are more likely to enter bad relationships themselves and repeat the pattern their parents have started for them. There is more damage done to children that stay in bad marriage homes then the children that grow up in with divorce parents that communicate. In a home where neither parent is happy children may see emotional, physical, and verbal abuse. They may grow up thinking this how they should treat their spouse or how they should be treated by their spouse. If you are in a bad marriage do you really want your child to go through the same thing? The emotional damage that may occur during the process of a divorce is what stops a lot of people from getting a divorce. There are many stories out there stating that children that come from a divorced home may have trust and relationship issues. However, there are no facts that back these stories up. The causes for these problems are more likely from how the divorce was handled. The actions taken during the initial start of a divorce both parties need to make sure that their anger is expressed appropriately while in front of the children. No child needs to see dishes flying. No child need to hear either parent being put down by the other parent. These are the things that cause problems for the child later on. We understand that emotions are there and that you need to express them however, the less you express them in front of your child the better off your child will be. Making sure that all the details are worked before getting the children involved is usually best. Make sure you take into account that your children will be upset and be prepared to answer some tough questions. These questions will be both spoken and unspoken. Make sure your child know without a doubt that they are not to blame. Also make sure that your child knows that you both love them. Having this discussion with both parents would be ideal so that both of you can reassure your child. Make sure that your child knows what is going on and make sure that you tell your child whatever arrangements you have worked out for them. Do not ask them to decide who they want to live with. You can ask your child if they have a preference on who they would like to live with. Telling them they have to choose one parent or the other will be very hard on a child they love their parents and choosing can cause a lot of emotional damage. However asking their opinion will let them feel like they have some control on what is going on. Ask what they think about the solution you came up with and ask if they have any suggestions to make it easier. |
