The process of a divorce can be full of landmines, especially if you’re dealing with someone on the other side who is spiteful, mean, manipulative, or just plain irrational. Even if the divorce is amicable, and the person you are divorcing is none of those things, it is hard to think straight and make the right decisions. The end of a marriage can bring up all sorts of emotions including anger and anxiety. Because of this, many people fail to think logically about what they want and what they should do in order to protect themselves and their family.
Once upon a time, divorce was a time for sadness. Nowadays, anger is the prevailing emotion. Someone getting divorces is angry at themselves, their spouse, their spouse’s parents, spouse’s new partners, and more. This anger easily boils over into words and acts that make the divorce more costly, length, and frustrating. In fact, it can turn a simple divorce into a complicated war. Yes, divorce doesn’t have to be as hard as most people make it. Here are some simple rules to follow when getting a divorce to make the entire process flow a whole lot easier.
5. Pouring Salt
If you’re trying to avoid a long, frustrating court battle with your spouse, steer clear of any accusations or blaming personal faults of your spouse. Don’t try to infuriate your spouse, and be sensitive to their needs and emotions. A successful divorce requires compromise and negotiation. If you are encouraging your spouse to dislike you and become unflinching in their resolve, you’re asking for trouble.
4. Not Hiring an Attorney
If your spouse hires legal counsel, so should you. Failing to do so is like swimming with the sharks. You’re in their ball field and don’t know all the rules. Even if your spouse hasn’t done so yet, hiring an attorney is a pretty good idea.
Some lawyers might offer to represent both husband and wife to speed up the process and lower the cost. This is unethical and presents a conflict of interest. In some places, it is completely against the rules. The legal system is designed to be adversarial, which means no one can properly represent both sides.
3. Verbal Abuse
Getting a divorce leads to arguments. It happens. What doesn’t always happen, and shouldn’t happen if you’re trying to do the right thing, is a tirade of continuous verbal battles. In these verbal confrontations, threats and accusations are routine. Being on the receiving end can be demoralizing, even worse if threats are made against the safety of you or your children.
Any threats of this kind should be discussed with a lawyer. They can tell you how to handle them best. If you’re the one carrying out the verbal abuse, you should remember it is easy for your spouse to get an order or protection against you. Verbal abuse is not discriminatory. While some might contest that woman don’t verbally or physically abuse their spouses, any such claims are just a myth.
2. Leave Her or Him Out of It
There are a number of reasons one might be so foolish as to bring their new partner into a divorce. It could be for revenges, or trying to show you soon to be ex that someone else still finds you attractive and desirable. In reality, there is no quicker way to turn a bad situation worse than to tell the one you are divorcing about your new partner.
Avoid the subject whenever possible, including when dealing with your children. You don’t want to confuse them any further. If at all possible, the chosen course would be to wait until the divorce is settled before becoming involved in a new relationship.
1. Your Children are Not Pawns
You should never threaten to limit or deny visitation. While it is a powerful threat to any parent who loves their children. This is commonly a technique used by parents who are the primary caregivers but lack financial resources as a means to gain better financial support.
The courts believe that parents who behave responsibly and show genuine interest and care for their children should be an active and consistent part of their lives. So, do not make threats of this kind, because they can actually work against you. Responding to these threats, making those of your own, can be just as harmful. Instead, remain level headed and wait for the truth to come out. |
